Why me?
I am utterly terrified and awe-struck at the nature of my NDE encounter.
Here is a being, who most likely created all existence, or at least the figurehead of the existence I am currently living in. Then out of nowhere, I have a near fatal yellowjacket allergy and attacked by those yellowjackets, just so they "could damage my brain a bit".
I ponder sometimes why life has gone the way it has. I have numerous odd problems, whether it is the scoliosis, or the fibromyalgia, I would not say that I have been enjoying life to its fullest. If anything, it seems like every motion, every decision, or every waking moment, is one of difficulty.
If this was a game, it seems like someone set the level of difficulty to expert, or even higher if there is such a setting. I am the person least likely to command or even assemble a considerable group. Half of that is due to my personal issues, while the other half seems like someone forgot to give me any charisma.
I am not a perfect individual. It's difficult, and I fail on so many levels. In some way, I am kind of surprised that I was in a kind of heaven.
Who would bother to listen to what I have to say? I guess if your mind is open, I do have interesting things to share, and helpful hints toward clarity. But to an outsider, that would just be weird, right?
I have a note on my computer at work that says "I just want to know, that what I do, is worth it."
I am angry, because I wish I wasn't going through what I am experiencing. I am sad, because there's just too much and I don't think the message is getting out there. Or if it is, then how come I can't see it?
I know the book is difficult reading. It's fine if you don't follow me through the first 6 chapters. It shows how I think, and it gives you an idea, of how I view things. You're not me, and that's fine.
But there is a reward at the end. It is the uniqueness of yourself as an individual that requires you to be you! The argument is logically sound, and the math is correct. Where it was weird, I made sure to note who or what was behind such examples.
Don't let anyone tell you that you are a mistake, or that you're worthless. Because in that position, you fulfill the exact need at that point. You can never see the big picture, because it's too big. I often say it's a chess board with about 4 billion pieces and that's a very conservative estimate.
From someone who has looked from the outside of infinity, everything has to be a certain way.
I just wonder what purpose I have in going through all of this, and writing the book. Especially if nobody reads it. How can I start to have a conversation about it? How can I bounce this off of people to see if I am missing something?
I've already talked to God, in person, about it. He said that they will take care of it.
Now I hope you're paying attention, because I know that in order for that to happen, people actually have to finish reading the book. I think I sold/gifted 35 books, so far. Not a lot, but I would say that less than half have actually read the book all the way through.
And the way I know that, is that someone will give you feedback. I don't expect it to be understood. I just want people to see it.
The problem I have, is that it wouldn't surprise me, if the book was just meant for one person. What kind of craziness is that? I know there are days the pain is insane. And for a entire NDE, allergy experience, combined with the painful experience I have, you just want a book for one person?
Wouldn't that just be sarcastically perfect.
What would the point be? If it turns out to be true, then someone will need to figure it out why it went down that way.
It's not like I am being spoken above in prophecies. I love listening to the modern day prophets, not because they are right or not, but because the messages they get, come from somewhere.
The closest thing would have to be Dr. James Cottrell, who as a modern day sleeping prophet in the style of Edgar Cayce, in his book "The New Earth", refers to someone called the Hallower.
But if you think my book is about being Hallowed, I think the point is missed. Also if you think I am John Peniel, (from the sessions of Cayce) then you're even more wrong. I don't belong to any sect. If you read my book, you'd know that. You believe what you are supposed to believe.
And it's not like I am the antichrist either. I pretty much point right to Jesus and God.
So, what is going on? I wish I knew. (But really, I am not sure I want to know)
Edit: 5/27/19 - I think I might be the hallower after doing some work on the follow up book 'Who?'. You will need to read 'Why.' To understand 'Who?'.
Here is a being, who most likely created all existence, or at least the figurehead of the existence I am currently living in. Then out of nowhere, I have a near fatal yellowjacket allergy and attacked by those yellowjackets, just so they "could damage my brain a bit".
I ponder sometimes why life has gone the way it has. I have numerous odd problems, whether it is the scoliosis, or the fibromyalgia, I would not say that I have been enjoying life to its fullest. If anything, it seems like every motion, every decision, or every waking moment, is one of difficulty.
If this was a game, it seems like someone set the level of difficulty to expert, or even higher if there is such a setting. I am the person least likely to command or even assemble a considerable group. Half of that is due to my personal issues, while the other half seems like someone forgot to give me any charisma.
I am not a perfect individual. It's difficult, and I fail on so many levels. In some way, I am kind of surprised that I was in a kind of heaven.
Who would bother to listen to what I have to say? I guess if your mind is open, I do have interesting things to share, and helpful hints toward clarity. But to an outsider, that would just be weird, right?
I have a note on my computer at work that says "I just want to know, that what I do, is worth it."
I am angry, because I wish I wasn't going through what I am experiencing. I am sad, because there's just too much and I don't think the message is getting out there. Or if it is, then how come I can't see it?
I know the book is difficult reading. It's fine if you don't follow me through the first 6 chapters. It shows how I think, and it gives you an idea, of how I view things. You're not me, and that's fine.
But there is a reward at the end. It is the uniqueness of yourself as an individual that requires you to be you! The argument is logically sound, and the math is correct. Where it was weird, I made sure to note who or what was behind such examples.
Don't let anyone tell you that you are a mistake, or that you're worthless. Because in that position, you fulfill the exact need at that point. You can never see the big picture, because it's too big. I often say it's a chess board with about 4 billion pieces and that's a very conservative estimate.
From someone who has looked from the outside of infinity, everything has to be a certain way.
I just wonder what purpose I have in going through all of this, and writing the book. Especially if nobody reads it. How can I start to have a conversation about it? How can I bounce this off of people to see if I am missing something?
I've already talked to God, in person, about it. He said that they will take care of it.
Now I hope you're paying attention, because I know that in order for that to happen, people actually have to finish reading the book. I think I sold/gifted 35 books, so far. Not a lot, but I would say that less than half have actually read the book all the way through.
And the way I know that, is that someone will give you feedback. I don't expect it to be understood. I just want people to see it.
The problem I have, is that it wouldn't surprise me, if the book was just meant for one person. What kind of craziness is that? I know there are days the pain is insane. And for a entire NDE, allergy experience, combined with the painful experience I have, you just want a book for one person?
Wouldn't that just be sarcastically perfect.
What would the point be? If it turns out to be true, then someone will need to figure it out why it went down that way.
It's not like I am being spoken above in prophecies. I love listening to the modern day prophets, not because they are right or not, but because the messages they get, come from somewhere.
The closest thing would have to be Dr. James Cottrell, who as a modern day sleeping prophet in the style of Edgar Cayce, in his book "The New Earth", refers to someone called the Hallower.
But if you think my book is about being Hallowed, I think the point is missed. Also if you think I am John Peniel, (from the sessions of Cayce) then you're even more wrong. I don't belong to any sect. If you read my book, you'd know that. You believe what you are supposed to believe.
And it's not like I am the antichrist either. I pretty much point right to Jesus and God.
So, what is going on? I wish I knew. (But really, I am not sure I want to know)
Edit: 5/27/19 - I think I might be the hallower after doing some work on the follow up book 'Who?'. You will need to read 'Why.' To understand 'Who?'.
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